Therefore, in addition to doing the obvious things, as all faithful Cathcolic ought, such as praying for the intentions of Benedict XVI, and for the Holy Spirit the lead and guide the conclave to select the next Vicar of Christ Jesus, I came up with five other fun things that we Catholics can do in between hearing the latest predictable liberal rant about how the Catholic Church needs to change and accommodate the immoralities and bad theology of modern culture.
You don’t have to do all of these things at once if you don’t want, or even in this order, but if you don’t do at least one, you’ll wish you did once Sede Vacante is over.
FIVE FUN THINGS TO DO DURING SEDE VACANTE
- Hang the Vatican Flag outside of your house and blow black smoke out of your chimney until you’ve decided who the new Pope should be.
The kids from these recent generations know nothing about smoke signals. If you even mention the words ‘Cowboys’ and ‘Indians’ they’d think you were talking about two different sports teams. I haven’t made smoke signals since I burned my mother’s favorite quilt back in 1983 while I was trying to send up a really big one. If you don’t have a chimney, then feel free to improvise with a bad car carburetor, a bar-b-que grill, or a metal trash can (as long as you are outside of city limits).
- Walk up to random people and ask them, “Who do you think you are? The Pope?”
The best place to do this is inside the shopping mall on a Saturday. You should be able to do it for at least twenty minutes before mall security comes to quietly escort you off the premises.
- Wear Red Leather Shoes
If you are gonna act like a complete lunatic and walk around the shopping mall asking people, “Who do you think you are? The Pope?”, it only makes sense that you go ahead and wear the traditional red leather Papal shoes. Plus it will just make for better Youtube video if you let the mall security drag you away kicking and screaming.
- Stand on any street corner dressed up as St. Malachy, and with a megaphone in hand quote his 112 phrases
‘The Prophecy of the Pope’, a series of 112 short, cryptic phrases in Latin are claimed to predict the line of Roman Catholic Popes, beginning with Pope Celestine II. The alleged prophecies were first published by Benedictine monk Arnold de Wyon in 1595. Wyon attributed the prophecies to Saint Malachy, a 12th‑century Archbishop of Armagh, Ireland. Being that the last prophecy predicts the Apocalypse, it’s important that you use a megaphone so that it will be harder for people to ignore you. Wearing red leather shoes won’t hurt the effort either.
- Impress your friends by using words like sede vacante, transubstantiation, and interregnum
If anyone knows you’re a Catholic, surely by now someone has asked you who do you think the next Pope will be. In the coming days and weeks, due to heightened attention by the media, the Catholic Church and everything pertaining to it will be up for small talk and long talk. While in near proximity to the cesspool of bad theology, liberal rantings, and lapse Catholic frothing, here’s your chance to shine amongst your peers by using words unbeknownst to common jargon. The more Latin you use the better. They’ll be soon to ask you whether you have a degree in theology, and you’ll be able to offer the quick retort that, ‘No I’m not a theologian, but I did sleep in the county jail last night with red leather shoes on.”