david l. grayI‘m dealing with disappointment today the only way I know how. I’m crying. Not externally, because I can’t at the moment, but internally. I feel the tears pouring down inside of my face. Disappointment is a form of suffering in that it’s what happens when things don’t go your way, and things sure haven’t went my way today. It may help to write about how I’m feeling . . .

Disappointment is especially difficult for me because I’ve always dealt with depression ever since I was a child. While this issue has gotten tremendously better ever since I encountered Jesus in my mid-thirties, it certainly reoccurs on days like this when something I set my heart on doesn’t materialize.

Disappointment always gives birth to uncertainty. I don’t know what to do right now. I’m lost for having being at a loss of what was never mine.

Disappointment makes me feel like a failure and a loser. I hate losing more than I hate failing, so it makes me want to quit and never try again. I don’t want to feel like I’m not good enough. I hate that feeling and I hate that I hate that feeling. A good God made me. I am good.

I’m not angry with God. That is some significant maturity from twelve years ago. I mean, I prayed for what I wanted and asked that His will be done. Obviously, this wasn’t His will, so I should be happy, but I’m not. I should be rejoicing for my will not being done, but all I have is disappointment in its place.

I’ll be fine. I’m usually better the next day. I just don’t know what God wants from me. What am I supposed to do? I’m doing what I felt He called me to, but it’s plain as day that I may have been wrong.

How do the saints deal with disappointment? Who’s immune to not having their free-choice not always be in harmony with God’s good, pleasing, and perfect desire? Being a Christian means that I have entrusted Christ Jesus with my life, and that is why the first fruit of our faith is the gift of humility.

Disappointment is an opportunity for humility. I suppose I can never have enough of that . . .

Pray for Me Please!!!